Send the Kinihans to Kim Jung Un

The Gaza Strip – they’d sort it out. The legacy of destruction handed down through generations in the Israeli-Palestinian conflict would be no challenge. Where American diplomats have failed and legions of skilled negotiators have tried unsuccessfully, the Dublin mafia would strut into town and sort it all out. Mark my words, there’d be a mass Israeli-Palestinian orgy before they left town.

These boys can pull off miracles. With our 800 years of scarring at the behest of our greatest ex, we are, understandably, a little reluctant to cuddle up to our neighbours. Granted, they are an important trading partner and indeed they are intrinsically connected to us at the level of European unity until such time that they serve us with the Brexit divorce papers. But still. However you like to call it – the United Kingdom, Great Britain – it’s not all that great in the psyche of the Gael. The last royal of any real consequence to us was King Cormac MacArt. After that, Elvis. Not even the royal county of Meath is too popular beyond its own borders, (ok fine, that’s largely due to the on-field brutality of Hayes, Lyons, Coyle et al, but it has to be said that we are not a nation of royalists).

And yet in spite of the age old antipathy between the Gaels and the Brits, our disregard for British rule and distrust of British armed forces, our collective memory of the horrors witnessed in the Troubles, there is one shower who have managed to broker collaboration. I’m not talking Stormont here. In fact it’s unrelated to Anglo-Irish politics.

Eyes widened recently at the news that Gardaí had uncovered a ploy to assassinate another member of the Hutch family. The essence of the news is not what surprised us, rather it was the fact that the hit squad consisted of a former member of the British Army. Yes, an ex British soldier, toddling around Dublin arm in arm with native Paddys, playing rambo in the name of Dan the Deity. King Kinihan.

Bleeding. Jaysus. Bonkers. As they might say in the flats Dublin’s inner city that have been flooded with the blood of Hutch-Kinihan feud targets over the past year and a half. Does the recruitment of a British soldier to the rank of marksman in Kinihan’s cartel show that Dan the Man’s a dapper diplomat? No. So what’s the story?

Narconomics. The power of powder. Coke Capitalism.

Call it what you will but it’s the cornerstone of how they have come to emerge as a leading global organisation, it accounts for why they have roots and branches on all continents and have people on the payroll in all manner of roles, be they legitimate and illegitimate posts. It’s at the heart of how and why they are owners and investors in hordes of bone fide businesses and entities globally.

Massive margin, massive volumes, massive revenues. An endless supply chain and no recruitment issues. Cash is Kingihan.

So, can money buy everything including world peace? I’m not sure, but it can buy you the most powerful job in the world. And if a group of Dublin drug dealers, who weren’t born with the wealth of a Trump, can build a global organisation with profits that compete with those of Google, can hire British soldiers who’ll happily work trigger by trigger alongside Irish counterparts, then yes, they have an X-factor.

Let’s send them on a mission to North Korea. Where Trump could build his wall, they could build world peace.